


Undyne vs Sans: Sans' Job

by ImpulseFunWritinAnon



Series: Undertale: Short Battle Stories [3]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Asgore may fight Sans in the future again, Asgore vs Sans continuation, Battle, Gen, Having A Bad Time, Human Souls, Sans has a monologue, Sans needs to calm down, Sans' Gaster Blasters are pretty neato, Sans' Job, Undyne is a badass, Undyne's spears are boss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 16:20:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6383701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImpulseFunWritinAnon/pseuds/ImpulseFunWritinAnon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Undyne returns to New Home and ends up facing Sans, right infront of Asgore.</p><p>Now if only Undyne could land a hit, that would be great.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Undyne vs Sans: Sans' Job

**Author's Note:**

> This is the fourth of my collection of short battle fanfics. The battles were decided by popular vote on /utg/. I thank the anons at /utg/ that took part in voting. This is the last one I wrote before joining AO3, so any future short battle fanfics will only be posted on here instead of a pastabin. 
> 
> Enjoy~!

The head of the Royal Guard prepared to venture to New Home. This would normally be Undyne's return back for the daily report to King Asgore, but today changed her life forever. Undyne has killed her first human. An adorable, little girl in a ballerina outfit, with such balletic Integrity that she refused to ACT at all in the one-sided battle, unwilling to FIGHT, or talk, back against Undyne's outrageous taunting. The child even refused to flee from her ruthless attacks.

 

It was almost poetic. Almost.

 

Undyne did not care about how harmless the child was. All she cared for was the ends to justify the means, meaning breaking the barrier to free Asgore's people from a millennia of imprisonment. Sans watched the slaughter from beginning to end, as he hid in the distance, blending in with the cavern's darkness. It hurt to watch. Undyne took the human's blue SOUL from the child's bloody corpse, and put it in a capsule. As she stood still to glimpse at the glowing heart, Sans turned his back on her. He grinned grimly, took a step forward, and vanished.

 

\--

 

After Asgore appointed Sans as a 'scout' of sorts, Undyne was not happy in the slightest. He would fall asleep even more frequently while on sentry duty, and worse yet, Sans had the audacity to set up an illegal hot dog stand. She was still baffled how he could man four sentry stations within the span of one day, but that did not matter to her. What mattered were results, and he produced only depthless written reports, consisting of brief words, such as "nothing here", "nope", "the usual". If Sans felt bored enough, he would end up writing about inane tasks. "i made a 'dog." "i made a hotcat today." "i made an apostrophe 'dog today." And so on. Sans was so good at doing the bare minimum that Undyne really couldn't fire him, especially with Asgore insisting to keep him around, because it didn't hurt to have an extra pair of eyes - or eye sockets. To Undyne, the 'scout' job was really only a re-wording of 'sentry'. And that is what Sans remained in Undyne's eyes; a sentry.

 

What Undyne didn't know was that Sans' sentry job was no longer about making daily reports to her, although he still made them to appease the boisterous fish monster. Sans was actually chosen for the sole purpose of protecting Asgore from human invaders, as a last resort. As if that wasn't strange enough, there was yet another layer on top of another in his duties.

 

One of Sans' many secrets was that he is actually supposed to actively stalk humans right after they leave the Ruins. On Asgore's command, Sans is to hunt down and execute any human that Sans deemed a threat. Asgore's trust in him was unquestionable. It took one fierce battle in between the two for Sans to accept the scandalous task. Being the clear victor, Sans proved to be an astute and dangerous adversary. These attributes were vital to his role. A role he was ashamed of having, but a responsibility to burden.

 

Sans was, in reality, a merciless assassin. But Undyne didn't know this.

 

And she was never going to be allowed to know either.

 

\--

 

Undyne finally arrived at New Home. She raced past the golden corridor, then gave out a shrilling war cry as she made her dramatic entrance into the throne room, kicking golden flower petals with every footstep.

 

"ASGORE! I DID IT! I HAVE DONE IT AT LAST! ASGORE," Undyne caught her breath for a few seconds, before bursting aloud with absolute rapture.

 

"I HAVE ANNIHILATED THE ENEMY! I CAPTURED MY FIRST HUMAN SOUL! FUHUHUHU! GAZE IN AMAZEMENT AT MY FINE HUMAN-CAPTURING SKILLS!" Undyne boasted, as she held the capsule up to Asgore's face. She was beaming with pride, waiting for the king's approval.

 

Asgore was silent, sitting on his throne still as a mountain. Undyne swore she saw a tear drop from one of his eyes.

 

"OHHHH, come on, you big softie! This is no time to grieve. This is a time for CELEBRATION! I GOT MY FIRST HUMAN SOUL! FUHUHUHUHU!!!" Undyne laughed, giddily jumping up and down as she held onto the capsule tightly. "It's all miiine! Mine, mine, MINE! FUHUHU! And it's YOURS now, Asgore! Go ahead! TAKE IT! THIS IS ANOTHER STEP FORWARD FOR MONSTERKIND!!!"

 

As Undyne pushed the glowing capsule closer to his face, Asgore dismissed it, pushing it away with his hands. "I don't want to look at it. I don't think I can do this anymore. I can't... Please... get it away from me..." Asgore begged gloomily.

 

"sure you can, dreemurr," a voice spoke.

 

Startled by another presence in the garden, Undyne evoked one of her spears.

 

"or should i say," the voice grew closer, the source of it becoming apparent as it stepped forward from the dark, opposite end of the garden.

 

"m u r d e r e r?"

 

"... Sans?" Undyne whispered, spooked at the skeleton's change in tone.

 

"who else," the short skeleton asked as he shrugged, then winked his right eye, "a ghost? or is it a zombie? welp. either or, this is more of a graveyard than a garden right now, huh asgore? all you were missing was the skeleton."  
  


Asgore looked away from him, trying to hide his depression. Yet, he was resolved to be firm with the disrespectful skeleton, and not give Sans the satisfaction he wanted out of his obscene mannerisms. "Sans. Now is not the time for humor, especially not the one you are try-"

 

"whoever said that i'm trying to be humorous?"

 

"SANS, STO- wait. You didn't make a pun?"

 

"didja really think this would be the time for playful banter, oh your most exalted child-killer highness?"

 

"Sans, you had better stop mocking me this instant!"

 

In the middle of the heated exchange, time suddenly seemed to stop.

 

"w h o e v e r  s a i d  i  w a s  m o c k i n g  y o u ?"

 

Undyne shuddered at the sight of Sans' vacant complexion, as if she was looking at death itself. Asgore snapped out of his fright and rose from his throne, turning around to set his focus on the short skeleton.

 

"Nobody," Asgore replied flatly, looming over Sans majestically. "And I don't expect you to do so in the future."

 

Sans' pupils reappeared, looking amused and grinned genially. "sounds good to me."

 

 _... What just happened?_ _... Were they... Weren't they having an argument? If they weren't... Is this the way they casually talk to each other?_ Undyne speculated, bewildered by the two.

 

_Wait a second... This can only mean that they know each other well! Too well! But how!? I've never seen a conversation between them! I only know of the time I was told by Asgore to send Sans to see him! What happened between their meeting and now? Am I missing something? Am I being left out of the loop!? WHAT DOES ALL OF THIS MEAN!?_

 

Then, her SOUL lit with ire.

 

"NGAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! SANS!!! ASGORE!!! I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION!" Undyne took out a spear and aimed it at Sans. "YOU!" Then at Asgore. "And YOU! I'LL START WITH YOU, ASGORE! WHAT IS GOING ON!? WHAT ARE YOU HIDING FROM ME!? And don't you DARE treat me like I'm some sort of lost CHILD! What the hell does Sans have to do with ANY OF THIS!?"

 

"i'm his gua-"

 

Undyne slung her spear with all her might - and acrimony - at Sans, "SHUT UP!!!"

 

Sans dodged to his left, and gave her a dumb look. "hey, i was in the middle of giving you an answer to your questions. how about w-"

 

Undyne, in a state of enraged exasperation, summoned a staggering barrage of spears, restlessly angling them towards a yawning Sans. "NGAAAHHH!!!!"

 

As the erratic blitz of spears came nigh, the half-asleep skeleton unleashed his elusive maneuvers. Not one single spear grazed him. Her attempts to intimidate Sans were proving to be ineffective. "... we have a nice cu-"

 

Undyne was too blinded by rage to make sense out of Sans' effortless dodging. "SHUT UP AND TAKE IT, YOU LAZY BAG OF BONES!" Before Undyne could evoke more spears, her SOUL turned blue. Sans' left eye reacted to his magic, flashing a radiant yellow and cyan hue. As Undyne gasped in sheer terror, Sans projected her promptly against the dusty throne in the far corner of the room. Undyne let out an anguished scream, the collision fracturing her right arm, her armor already starting to corrode.

 

"anyway, as i was saying, how about we have a nice cup of tea over this?"

 

Sans advanced towards Undyne dauntingly, drove her SOUL up into the air, and violently slammed her into the ceiling. "or," he leered at Undyne with animosity, tilting her upside down to face him.

 

"w o u l d  y o u  r a t h e r  h a v e  a  b a d  t i m e ?"

 

Sans manifested a sadistic grin, his lurid glare amplified by Undyne's crushing instability. "heh. you probably do."

 

Undyne's wounded body was flung onto Asgore haphazardly, followed by cast effulgent beams of light surging from, what appear to Undyne, primordial skulls. Asgore's SOUL descended into despair, traumatized by the all too familiar miasmic pressure.

 

Asgore called out in desperation to Sans, the skeleton overcome in a trance by his summoned abominations. Little did Asgore know, Sans was actually in a deep state of anamnesis, experiencing his most cherished, happiest memories. This was truly the most disturbing thing that Undyne has ever seen in her life.

 

"SANS, PLEASE STOP! Stop being a hypocrite, and have mercy! Why try to kill Undyne, when you don't even want to kill anybody in the first place!?"

 

No response. The pressure intensified.

 

Undyne had about enough of this. Despite her injuries, she dashed towards the bewitched skeleton, conjuring a halo of razor-sharp magical projectiles.

 

"HEY! WAKE UP, YOU LAZY, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING, SMILEY TRASHBAG!"

 

With those words, she launched her greatest onslaught yet, awaiting the finishing blow to the spooky skeleton.

 

Sans' right pitch-black eye socket got its pale pupil back - as well as his peculiar left eye - his intuition coming back to him. Stunned by the keen, converging projectiles aimed at him, he looked lively, and nimbly veered out of the way of Undyne's lethal spears as they lacerated and tore apart his hoodie.

 

When Sans sidestepped his way out of the last shower of spears, Undyne conjured one lone sharp, fatal spear from the opposite direction, taking him by surprise. At the very last second, he teleported out of harm's way, and at the same time, unleashing the devastating, infernal blasts. The sound resonated all over New Home, and beyond.

 

"NGAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! WHY WON'T YOU GET HI-"

 

Sans leaped out of his teleport, landing hard on top of Undyne and Asgore. The sheer raw magnitude of Sans' blasters made the Underground quake violently, causing the entrance of the throne room to cave in on itself. Seconds felt like minutes. Minutes felt like hours.

 

There they lay in the middle of the fading garden, the room in complete disarray from all the chaos. Realizing that her spears ruined Asgore's beautiful golden flowers, Undyne recalled her magical spears. The evil presence in the air dissipated. All of a sudden, Sans started laughing. Not chuckling. Laughing. Undyne and Asgore looked at each other in confusion as to what Sans would find so funny. The situation didn't call for that in the slightest. He tired of laughing in less than a minute, then caught his breath.

 

"heh heh... heh... hey... heya asgore... remember that light blue soul i gave ya? oh you don't? let me refresh your memory. the little girl with the cute knife and red ribbon? i gotta tell ya. at first, i thought that i didn't have to kill her. that i didn't have to follow through with 'carrying the burden'. i was so stupid. so hopeful to think that i would be able to solve things without any means for violence. i followed her ever since she left the ruins, just like i was supposed to. i thought about what would make a good first impression, and i figured, 'hey, why not some of my jokes? they are hilarious. my brother loves em!' so i get one of my whoopee cushions and catch up to the kid. as i looked a little closer, i noticed she had the most fearful expression. i must have stepped on a few branches as i made haste, and figured that's what scared her. i hold back for a moment, while the kid is trying to make sense of papyrus' barricade on the bridge. she was completely unsure of herself, so i decide to approach her slowly as to not scare her any further..."

 

"..."

 

The air came to a standstill.

 

"she screamed as soon as she saw me. and guess what she did? she grabbed her little toy knife and tried stabbing me with it! as i was laying on the ground, i wanted to think it was self-defense, but then i saw a certain look in her eye. she was very, uh, determined to get rid of me. she had the little toy knife at my SOUL! i gave it a second thought as i tried telling her to drop her weapon, but then... i saw it. the dust on her knife. on her hair. on her ribbon. on her fingers. she had already killed someone in the Ruins. whoever it was, my heart went out to them. and then i felt it. i felt something brimming inside of me. i'm still not entirely sure what it was. i felt time slow down for a moment, and then..."

 

"..."

 

"i killed her. i gave it everything i got, bones, blasters, the works. she... she didn't even have any resemblance to the human i first saw anymore. after it was all over, all i could do was stare. her blood was on my hands, my clothes... even my SOUL, the very culmination of my being that she was aiming for. she knew what she was doing. and i guess that's when i lost it. staring at her mangled corpse was not going to help me sleep well at night, and leaving it there wasn't going to bode well anybody that goes near the Ruins. i felt horrible for killing the kid, yet my SOUL felt a little livelier. i went to bury her nearby my sentry station. forget where. i want to forget anyway."

 

"... before i finished burying her, i looked at her one last time. despite her meaning to do monsters harm, whether out of panic or pure hatred, i felt a deep sadness inside. why did it have to be this way? why couldn't we have talked a bit? why wasn't i given a chance to shake her hand with a whoopee cushion? why was she the way she was? what did i ever do to her to deserve death? why couldn't i save her? why couldn't i bring her to like us? why... why did i feel like a complete piece of garbage? why did i feel like quitting? it hurt so bad."

 

"..."

 

"it was then i came back to my senses. i had to do something about that SOUL. the power of a human SOUL is far too valuable to leave around. so after all i went through to try to avoid violence... i ended up having to do the very thing i didn't want. i took her SOUL from her lifeless body, by my own doing. holding it made me feel disgusted at myself. i put it in my pocket and went back to my lab to put it in one of the capsules you told me to put the SOULs in. why didn't i absorb the SOUL, you ask? because it was wrong. i didn't want power or anything like that. i just wanted the kid back. i just wanted to re-do the whole thing all over again, in hopes that she would find the compassion to get to know us better, and not kill us on sight. heh."

 

"what a great world that would be, huh?"

 

"..."

 

"now i am paying for my sins. just look at what i did to this room alone. i didn't want violence. i didn't want to execute anybody. yet here i am, laying on top of my pals with a pile of rubble caused by a bunch of my stupid blasters. it's all just evidence of the inevitable. slowly but surely, i'm losing control of my life, in more ways than one. this job is hell."

 

"i deserve to burn in hell for what i've done. i can't even look at my brother the same way anymore. i'm afraid of him one day finding out about what i do. who knows, it may be after the barrier is broken. whenever it is... i'm... i'm afraid he will not want me to hang out with him anymore, or associate himself around me. i'm afraid that... he will reject me as a brother. he probably would... or wouldn't. heh. actually... now that i think about it... knowing him, he probably would accept all the vile things i've done, like the cool dude he is."

 

"..."

 

"i don't deserve someone like him."

 

**Author's Note:**

> And with that, the future remains uncertain for all three in the throne room.


End file.
